I hated hearing it, although I knew it. Sort of. “Enjoy it while it lasts,” “They grow up so fast.” I thought I knew how fast time would fly, and that I was prepared for it, not to mention READY for it. I thought I was going to be THANKFUL for the time to fly by! Now, I look back and wish I could slap myself upside the head for wishing the next stage to come along, then the next, and then the next, of my twins’ lives. I wanted so bad to move on from this or that, and on to something else. Now, I realize just how much more I would have enjoyed just a few of those first moments that first year, for just a little bit longer, if only I had actually known.
My husband came across a video on Facebook and shared it with me via Facebook messenger with the message, “Here’s your daily dose of onions for the day.” I had literally just pulled up and parked at Target when I saw the message, so I decided I would wait until later to watch it. No sense in getting all teary-eyed and make people wonder what the hell was wrong as I walked through the store. Thank the high heavens above I didn’t watch it! Later that afternoon my husband reminded me of the video and played it for me… and I lost it. Seriously, grab a tissue (or three)…
This video hit me hard. REAL hard. You see, for me it brought out all the internal struggles and resentment I had been having because of how much I felt like I missed out on when my littles were, well, really little! My twins are going on 17 months now, and almost everyday I look at them and think, “Holy crap, they’re not babies anymore. They’re little people!”
After the twins were born, I struggled with my emotions. I kept telling myself it was just hormones, but when my hormones didn’t level back out, I knew something was definitely different and not going to fix itself. So I reached out to my doctor for some help. Since then, I have still struggled with just how difficult motherhood is… especially with twins, a traveling husband, and very little help from elsewhere. So many days I dealt with the pain and disappointment that I wasn’t able to just hold my baby all day and fall asleep with them because I didn’t have A baby; I had TWO. But as life does, the clock kept ticking. Each night I would pray for a full night’s sleep, and each morning I would count down the minutes to nap time.
I had days where I begged and prayed that this “phase” would be over and my littles would get to a newer, easier stage. Well, it doesn’t really get easier, just different with new difficulties. Since I’ve realized just how many moments we have been through in what feels like such a short period of time, I’m realizing just how much I failed to be in the moment and simply enjoy every struggle, every tear, every laugh, every feeding, every hug.
For me, the video reminded me just how much I missed out on enjoying, because I was always begging for some next stage that I could try and enjoy because I thought it would be “easier.” So many people told me that they can’t believe how fast it goes, and to enjoy it while I can. And I always thought to myself, “Yea but I have two. You don’t understand!” But, a mother is a mother, is a mother. We all endure many of the same struggles and emotions that come with that title. And for first-time mothers, if only we could understand just how precious that little bit of time we have with our firstborns is.
My advice to any pregnant mommas-to-be or brand spankin’ new mommas reading this:
It’s going to be hard. The hands down hardest thing you have ever done. And the fact that your hormones and the rest of your body are going haywire with adjustment, doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. But try, TRY, to not wish time to go by so you can have a “normal” life again. Will you have nights that you don’t necessarily want to see your little one at 2am? Of course. And will it suck when they refuse to take a bottle from anyone but you? Sometimes, yea. But those moments where they need you – feeding, bathing, cuddling, playing, holding – don’t rush those. Take your time and soak them up. Trust me. You never know when that “last” moment will be that they need you to hold their bottle for them or that they will even take a bottle; the last time they will nurse. It very well could be the last time they let you rock them to sleep, or take a paci and you can watch their little mouths wiggle it back and forth. You may not realize just how much you’re going to miss them falling asleep on your chest all while the dishes still need to be cleaned.
One day, you’ll look back and think, “If only I had listened and slowed down. If only I knew just how fast time does go by.” Because, well, it does goes by fast. So unbelievably fast.