I was that mom. I took both of my terrorizing little ones to the pediatrician to get my son checked out. To (hopefully) find out there was a reason for his “being an a-hole” attitude he had been expressing, and not just to find out that he was, in fact, just an a-hole. Thankfully, I was right, and the doctor informed me that my little man had his first ear infection.
That sounds horrible, I know. I was “thankful” for him to have an ear infection? No, I was thankful to know that the rough week I had endured was due to an underlying reason that could totally be remedied. However, my rough week didn’t end there, and has since turned into several agonizing weeks that have definitely not been for the faint of heart.
That day in the doctor’s office, alone with my two children, I sat heavily in the plastic chair without a pinch of makeup on, zero spritzes of perfume, greasy hair yanked back into a messy ponytail (and not the stylish, sex hair kind), with a smell that was obvious I hadn’t had a chance to shower after breaking a sweat chasing my kids, and a look of desperation on my face that even the nurses couldn’t ignore.
I was that mom that almost completely broke in front of “strangers.” Although I didn’t actually cry, my eyes welled up several times and I could see the look of not pity, but complete and total sympathy. I could tell that my poker face had expired and I was no longer that “supermom” everyone had been calling me and they thought was handling it all so well. As weird as it may seem, I felt a sense of relief.
stay work at home mom to twins with a traveling husband SUCKS. And although many times it seems as though I have it all together, I simply don’t. I’m just doing the absolute best I can and so far everyone is surviving. Going each day and hearing over and over how amazing I am sometimes actually makes it harder; almost like I’m living a lie. Do I want pity? Absolutely not. It’s just nice to know that in that moment in the doctor’s office someone understood that I’m not in fact some supernatural being and, just like every other mom out there, I have a breaking point.
Since the experience of my son’s first ear infection, we’ve been through my daughter developing an ear infection; the pediatrician believing they both may have developed RSV and were at the tail end of it due to several weeks of coughing and crankiness slowly coming to a close (or so we thought); my son developing not just one other, but a double ear infection; and several days of nap refusals and evenings that rolled into mornings with simply the blink of an eye, seeing as how the sleep department has become very deprived as of late. We’ve had diaper rash that looked as though their poor baby skin had been burned; chewed up food spit back out on the high chair, table and floor (on multiple occasions); vomiting of snot because the drainage was just too much to handle for their poor little gag reflexes; skinned knees; molars coming in; and only God knows what else I’m leaving out.
Again, I’m in no way screaming for your pity. My entire purpose of this blog and Instagram is to talk about and showcase just how hard it is being a mom. I want everyone to understand that these “standards” so many moms with a social presence have placed on us “regular folk” is totally unattainable every day, or even every week. I want you all to hear me as I go through this intense chapter of life, and understand that you’re NOT ALONE. Moms get it. Even though there are so many social media posts with gorgeous filters of moms and children who seem to be so perfectly put together, that’s SOOOO not the norm. It’s time to stand up and be real, and showcase the good, the bad, the ugly, and sometimes, the downright nasty!
So when you reach that point where you feel like you’re going to break, let it happen. Bottling it all up and pretending all is good is only going to make it worse. Now, don’t go into a frenzy all the freaking time! That’s not what I’m encouraging (could you imagine if we all did that?). But just like with your kids as they grow up and your spouse as you navigate your relationship, pick your battles. Sometimes you just have to give in and have a good cry (or glass of wine, which tends to increase the cry you will inevitably have. But whatevs). You’re human, and you care. We all need to be “that mom” at some point before we can figure out how to get stronger; how to handle it better the next time; how to develop more maternal instincts for the future.
We’ve definitely had a go of it these last several weeks in this family, truly testing my ability to raise decent children. But we’re truckin’ along and as I mentioned earlier, we’re all surviving. Now we’ve reached the week of Thanksgiving and – SURPRISE – my babies’ daddy is traveling again! Thankfully family is local, so I’ll be loading up the littles to eat some fantastic Southern grub at my parents’ house – and relish in the moments that grandparents, aunts and uncles will want to eat up not just food, but every minute of attention they can grasp from the twins. All with a fabulous glass of wine in hand…